We weren't supposed to know we were beautiful or sexy.

I didn’t realize why inner beauty was so important until I began to grow up. Inner beauty was important because outer beauty was dangerous. Inner beauty and outer beauty were diametrically opposed warriors.

I knew I wasn’t beautiful outwardly, so, like other girls my age, I learned how to be inwardly beautiful. I wanted to leave beauty wherever my fingerprints landed, whether it was a dress, a childhood, or a painting.

“Growing up in a culture that thinks in black and white is easy—until something happens that shatters your black and white paradigm. Then, it’s the hardest thing in the world. All the things you thought were bad—depression, anxiety, sadness, cynicism, bitterness, anger, hatred— they’re all inside you. And religion dictates that there is no place for them in a good person. So, you’re left to stifle them, to pretend they aren’t there, to pray them out of you, and to watch in utter confusion as you lose sight of the person you thought you were.”

“I imagine this painting as the moment you wake up one morning and realize that you are glad that you’re here after all. You step outside just as the sun begins to make everything golden and sparkling. The sunlight falls on your face, and it is warm and soft and delicious. Half in shadow, half in light, you pause, and realize for the first time in months, you are glad to be alive.”

“The sunlight hits the tree, bright and warm. You know it will soon bathe you in golden, glittering light. Your skin will dry, and it will warm you, inside out. Two birds dance across the sky, disappearing into the brilliance of the sun. Their wings flash golden in the light. You watch in quiet awe. This is a moment you will remember forever, a moment that stamps itself on your lonely soul, a moment that you were chasing and didn’t realize it.

This is an epiphany. This is hope.”